Many of us see someone suffering but don't know how to react. We're afraid of getting it wrong, of interfering, of making things worse. So we stay silent. And silence is the ground where violence grows best.
The signs not to ignore
Violence doesn't always shout. It is often silent, and it shows in small changes in the woman going through it:
- she withdraws and drifts away from the people she loves;
- she apologises for everything and explains herself even over little things;
- she hides her phone, or checks it anxiously;
- she keeps saying she's overreacting;
- she has bruises she explains away as “falls” or “clumsiness”;
- she smiles, but her eyes tell a different story.
Three things to do
Believe her. If she tells you something is wrong, believe it. Don't ask her for proof and don't play it down.
Stay. Tell her: “I'm here, if you want to talk.” Respect her pace: it takes courage just to open up.
Help her find support. 1522 and anti-violence centres also help family and friends work out what steps to take.
And some to avoid
- Asking her “why don't you leave?” Saying “leave the first time he hits you” ignores the fear, the manipulation, the children, the money.
- Judging her, or judging her choices.
- Confronting the person hurting her yourself: you risk putting both her and yourself in danger.
- Making decisions for her.
You don't have to be a psychologist or a hero to help. Sometimes all it takes is being there, a word, a phone call.
If you think she's in immediate danger, call 112.
Follow WIS and share: it can help someone close to you.